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Church of Euthanasia FAQ |
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Greetings, and welcome to the Church of Euthanasia's FAQ (Frequently Asked
Questions). This document was last updated in February 2004.
1. What is the Church of Euthanasia?
2. Where can I find the Church on-line?
3. How do I order stickers, buttons, t-shirts, etc.?
4. How do I become a member?
5. Do I have to kill myself?
6. I've already procreated. Can I still join?
7. How can I help?
8. What's the best way for me to kill myself?
9. Why haven't you killed yourself yet?
10. How many members are there?
11. Can I distribute or reprint articles from the Church archives?
12. Where can I get EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTION?
1. What is the Church of Euthanasia?
The Church of Euthanasia is a non-profit educational foundation devoted to
restoring balance between Humans and the remaining species on Earth. We
believe this can only be accomplished by a massive voluntary population reduction,
which will require a leap in Human consciousness to a new species awareness.
The Human population is increasing by one million every four days. This
is a net increase of 95 million per year, the current population of Mexico.
Even major wars or epidemics hardly dent this rate of growth, and modern
wars also have tremendous environmental consequences. It is for these practical
reasons, as well as moral ones, that we support only voluntary forms of population
reduction.
The Church has only one commandment, and it is "Thou Shalt Not Procreate."
In addition, we have four "pillars" or principles, which are Suicide, Abortion,
Cannibalism and Sodomy.
Note that cannibalism is only required for those who insist on eating flesh,
and is strictly limited to consumption of the already dead. Also note that
sodomy is defined as any sexual act not intended for procreation: fellatio,
cunnilingus, and anal sex are all forms of sodomy and are still illegal in
some parts of the United States.
2. Where can I find the Church on-line?
a. world-wide web site
The web site contains everything the Church has ever released, including
all issues of Snuff It (complete with color photos and graphics), the complete
e-sermons, a resources page with links to Church-approved sites, and an on-line
catalog with an order form. This is the best way to experience the Church
on-line, particularly if your browser supports graphics. The web site URL
is http://churchofeuthanasia.org.
b. ftp archive
If you don't have access to the web, or if you want plain text rather than
HTML, try the University of Michigan's ETEXT archive:
ftp: ftp.etext.org /pub/Zines/Snuffit
3. How do I order stickers, buttons, t-shirts, etc.?
The Church of Euthanasia merchandise is no longer available. It was a very
successful form of outreach for almost 10 years, but eventually the product
line aged, national distributors lost interest, and the merchandise was no
longer self-sustaining. Plus we got sick of packing boxes. We apologize
for any inconvenience.
4. How do I become a member?
If you choose to not procreate, you're a member already, but why not make
it official? Membership includes a life-time subscription to the printed
version of Snuff It, a 28-page e-sermon booklet, and a lovely embossed certificate
suitable for framing, all for only $10. Make checks payable to:
The Church of Euthanasia
P.O.Box 261
Somerville, MA 02143
USA
We take our one commandment very seriously. Membership implies a
lifetime vow to not procreate. Procreation means guaranteed excommunication.
There are no exceptions; abortion will be required, period. Of course,
such difficulties can be avoided by faithful adherence to the fourth pillar
(sodomy).
5. Do I have to kill myself?
Of course you don't have to kill yourself! If you really want to, though,
wait until after you've joined the Church. That way, you automatically become
a saint, without any additional paperwork. Don't forget to leave a note
thanking and/or blaming the Church, and feel free to will us your estate,
if you have one.
6. I've already procreated. Can I still join?
Absolutely! So long as you don't have any more. We have a number of members
with children, and we even have a member whose son joined too. What's done
is done. What matters is your commitment now.
7. How can I help?
The most important way you can help is by not procreating. If you feel comfortable
taking the lifetime vow, then you should consider officially joining the
Church. It would also very helpful if you could manage to abstain from eating
non-human flesh.
You could also make a tax-deductible donation. The Church is exempt from
federal income tax under 501(a) and 501(c)(3), EIN 04-324-9910.
Finally, you can help by spreading the word. Talk to people. Proselytize
shamelessly. Write a letter to the editor of your local paper. Get on the radio
or TV. Be a nuisance. Cause trouble. Piss people off, especially your
breeding friends. Carpe diem.
8. What's the best way for me to kill myself?
Please consult the alt.suicide.holiday website.
9. Why haven't you killed yourself yet?
I'll kill myself when I feel like it. Suicide is OPTIONAL, remember?
Maybe if people stopped having so many babies, we could build a compassionate,
sustainable future, and I wouldn't want to kill myself anymore. Just kidding!
10. How many members are there?
The Church currently has hundreds of card-carrying members who've taken the
vow, plus clergy, directors, and thousands of "e-members" on the Internet.
We have members as far away as Italy and Latvia, though the majority are still
in the USA.
11. Can I distribute or reprint Church propaganda?
All material on the Church of Euthanasia web site is yours to use, in any way
you like, with the following important exception: Rev. Chris Korda's music is
copyrighted and owned by various record labels. You are permitted to download the
MP3 files for your own personal use, but distributing Rev. Chris Korda's music in
any other way, without permission from the appropriate record label, is a violation
of applicable laws.
12. Where can I get EMERGENCY CONTRACEPTION?
The Office of Population Research at Princeton University maintains an emergency
contraception world-wide web site and toll-free number. Both allow you to
get information on the "morning after" pill and other forms of emergency
contraception, and then find the clinics, hospitals or doctors nearest you
that will prescribe them. Call 1-800-584-9911 or access http://ec.princeton.edu
right away. Don't "wait and see what happens." You have 72 hours!
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