Church of Euthanasia

The One Commandment:
"Thou shalt not procreate"

The Four Pillars:
suicide · abortion
cannibalism · sodomy

Human Population:

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Reach Out and Kill Yourself

CHRISTMAS SEASON got you depressed? Well, in early December the Somerville-based Church of Euthanasia (slogan: Save the Planet, Kill Yourself) tried to get into the seasonal spirit by setting up the world's first suicide-assistance hotline. But the church, a cultish, Dada-inspired performance-art group that openly advocates suicide and cannibalism to promote population control, ran into trouble when Nynex found the issue a little bit too hot.

"They [Nynex] are concerned with liability, such as when someone calls up our hotline, kills themselves, and then their parents sue Nynex," says Reverend Chris Korda, the flamboyant cross-dressing founder and leader of the church.

As a registered educational foundation in the State of Massachusetts, the church enjoys official nonprofit status. Its tax-exempt donations helped it finance a billboard in Dorchester promoting its 900 line. "The billboard says in giant red letters Suicide Assistance Hotline, Helping You Every Step of the Way," says Korda. "Obviously there is supposed to be a certain amount of black humor in all of this," he admits.

Nynex, like many of us, didn't get the joke. Spokesman Jack Hoey tersely explained, "We have asked for additional information. We haven't made a decision one way or another."

--David Wildman

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