Church of Euthanasia

The One Commandment:
"Thou shalt not procreate"

The Four Pillars:
suicide · abortion
cannibalism · sodomy

Human Population:

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Snuff It #2

"Being" sighted
on Boston Common

In case you weren't there, September 10 was Population Awareness Day on the Boston Common. A variety of "politically correct" organizations including Zero Population Growth, the Seirra Club, Cleanwater Action, and Mass Choice were sitting at tables around the fountain near Park Street quietly minding their own business, when who should show up but the Church of Euthanasia! Rev. Chris Korda led the way in a very nice flower print number, carrying a stick topped by a bloody carnivorous baby. She was followed by a dozen church members, including such notables as Noise editor T-Max, clad in black "Save The Planet Kill Yourself" T-shirts and swinging smoking incense stenchers.

The alien intelligence known only as "The Being" also made a rare appearance for this gala event. It moved quite slowly, apparently unused to Earth's gravity, and was shielded from harmful negative energy by a 100 foot long strip of white fabric carried by church members. The organizers stood transfixed in horror as the group circled the fountain twice, chanting and rolling a giant RU-486 pill.

The group then formed a protective circle around "The Being," while Rev. Korda and Pastor Scott engaged in a simultaneous reading of population-related facts, including "Production of excrement by U.S. human population: 12,000 pounds per second! Production of excrement by U.S. livestock: 250,000 pounds per second!"

The crowd reacted with a mixture of confusion and rage, and a climax was reached when the group, in an effort to get their point across, began chanting "Kill the planet! Save yourself!" After an hour or so, the organizers forced Park Ranger Doherty to politely move the Church elsewhere. None of the organizers we interviewed would admit to kicking the church out, though Mark Rogers of ZPG was quoted as saying "I was disgusted with it. After some time...people there asked them leave."

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