Snuff It #3
A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to man, nor shall a man wear a
woman's garment; for whoever does these things is an abomination to the lord.
I am confused (not terribly unusual). If (as everyone would no doubt agree)
it is perfectly natural and thus acceptable for one animal to kill another
animal for the purposes of sustenance, then why is it not perfectly acceptable
for humans to kill other humans for food? We are, after all, nothing more
than another of nature's meat eating creatures on this planet.
-Hungry in El Dorado
The trouble is, humans just aren't doing it, whether it's acceptable
or not. Humans kill each other with zeal, but the bodies are mostly pumped
full of chemicals and buried in boxes. When the worms and beetles finally
chew through the box, they have to eat formaldehyde, which is not very nice.
It's getting tough to find a scenic place to bury the boxes, too, which means
more and more stiffs are getting torched. All those years of consumption, and
you don't even give your body back? So wasteful! Yeesh.
The Nazis certainly get the award for most ambitious human-hunting, but all
that effort went for soap, a little gold, and some lampshades. Meanwhile
their troops were starving to death on the Russian front. They didn't have
much effect on the world population, either; at current rates, six million
Jews equal less than twenty-four days' growth. This is just more evidence
that humans aren't as clever as they think.
In any case, human-hunting is considered a form of involuntary population
reduction, and is therefore against the rules. The eaten must
volunteer, and die a good death, while the eaters express their
admiration and gratitude. Of course, there's no problem if someone's
already dead, but thanks to desk jobs, junk food, and hospitals, they'll most
likely be stringy, toxic, and old. Try boiling, and plenty of salt.
This probably leaves you still hungry, but cheer up, there's hope; if you
can gradually adapt yourself to plastic food, you can remove yourself
from the food chain entirely. If you eat like most Americans, you'll never
notice the difference, and it sure beats recycling.
index #3 ·