Church of Euthanasia

The One Commandment:
"Thou shalt not procreate"

The Four Pillars:
suicide · abortion
cannibalism · sodomy

Human Population:

Snuff It #3


I write to thank you for issue #2 of Snuff It which you sent to me. Some very informative articles to say the least! As a follower of the J.E.H.O.V.I.A.N. Temple I see our two groups share many common beliefs. Perhaps you have heard of us and taken advantage of our offers to groups such as yours. If not, don't let the initials confuse you. We are a non-Christian group which worships Hakh. (Our God and what you refer to as the planet.)

We view Hakh as a living, breathing supreme being, with mankind merely being a cancerous virus which is slowly killing Hakh. Our followers strive to bring life back to Hakh via population reduction; reduction of natural resource usage and by "putting back" that which mankind's ignorance and greed has destroyed.

Any non-Christian group which believes in saving Hakh (the planet) may have free access to our temples and resort grounds, just by asking. There, your group would be free to conduct social gatherings, services, sermons, etc. Temples, Inc., also provides funding for groups in need of such support.

Like your group, ours has no prejudices with regards to one's sexual preferences. Heterosexuals and homosexuals are getting married all the time at the Temples and all marriages are viewed equally valid by followers.

The difference between our two groups is as follows.
(1) We encourage adoption. If a couple desires a child, rather than procreate one more mouth to feed we encourage adopting a hungry mouth which is already in existence.
(2) Rather than cannibalism to feed mankind, we encourage the idea of the dead being ground into fertilizer to feed Hakh.
(3) We don't actually support suicide, however, we believe Quot;If you exist, you exist only to serve and care for Hakh. If one can not serve and care for Hakh in life, serve Hakh via your death."
(4) We are Naturists (practice social and ritual nudity) striving to live in total harmony with that which we serve.

I notice from photographs that your followers (some) have children. We do not view children as expensive burdens. We view our children as Hakh's future care-givers and train them at birth towards this goal.

Our children play with Hakh; not with toys. Our children watch squirrels gather nuts; not throw sticks to fetching dogs. Pets such as cats and dogs serve no purpose as a species, unless being a trained animal which cares for the disabled. If our children desire a pet, they raise tadpoles and release their frogs into ponds.

I do not know what programs, if any, are available for your children. Ours have publications such as "Minor Issues" which serves to teach them about their bodies and the dangers of un-checked procreation. We also have a program known as "N.E.W.T.S." to which both parents and children belong. (Naturalists' Encounters With Terrestrial Sciences) Here, adults and children learn about Hakh; how to understand Hakh's needs; and how best to serve Hakh. Via active participation with parents, children learn the responsibility skills necessary to save Hakh from mankind's destructive greed and waste./p>

At the age of three, our children begin to participate in a sex education program. Here they learn proper names for all body parts and that all body parts are natural and good. Sexual exploration (masturbation) is taught as being natural and good. It is openly taught in our classes and individual and group experiences are encouraged and discussed. By the time our children reach puberty they are fully aware of the dangerous ramifications procreation can cause to Hakh. Our children do not watch tv; they watch sunsets. They do not ride bikes down the streets; they take walks together along fields and streams.

Some children have never seen a zoo. Those who have cry for the poor creatures, which belong to Hakh, [which] mankind has locked in cages for amusement. Little children raised on temple grounds have never worn clothing or shoes. We have our own school programs which children attend nude. Some, have not even seen fire. That which we do cook is cooked via solar grills and ovens. I notice your children wear shorts, tops and dresses. Cute, but children grow out of clothing quickly; while skin grows with them.

Eliminate clothing for children and you eliminate a major expense; encourage body awareness and self appreciation; and, eliminate child curiosity about the opposite gender thereby eliminate eliminating sexual experimentation which can lead to ignorant procreation. Furthermore, less clothing means more natural resources, less pollution, and less waste.

The elimination of manufactured toys further serves to cut child care costs. It also serves in creating children with creative thoughts and abilities, who have strong minds and bodies. Children don't need games, toys and tv to exist. Given the chance they are able to create their own "play time" activities. The children of primitive tribes have existed quite happily for centuries without video games and television. And, it was not a "feeling of boredom" which led to acts of excessive procreation, but a fear of extinction. Our children are taught that we have but one race; the human race. And, unless it is Hakh's will, the human race shall not become extinct.

I am very interested in learning more about your group, and perhaps becoming a member. As I am presently incarcerated, I only get paid once each month. As soon as I do, I shall send you $10.00, which I understand to be your membership fee.

In the meantime, if you happen to have more information available, I certainly would be interested in reading it. And, if by chance you are interested in reading some of the J.E.H.O.V.I.A.N. literature I'd be more than happy to have some sent to you. Also, perhaps you know of someone from your group living near my area. If so, I would love to write and/or visit with such a person to discuss views.

Thank you for your time and consideration.

P.S. Lemmings do commit mass suicide. I have a ninety year prison sentence. Should I ever decide to "be a lemming" I'll let you know. J.E.H.O.V.I.A.N.s view all forms of death as becoming one with Hakh. Oh! Tell the individual photographed on page 14-15, having the tattoos "Butch Dyke Daddy" on the arm that I send my love....

-Malcolm J. Campbell, 396 S. Drummond St., Waupun, WI 53963-0351

We requested some J.E.H.O.V.I.A.N. literature a while ago, and we haven't heard a peep from them since. Maybe they're all in prison. Is it us, or is there a peculiar emphasis on children in this letter? Never mind. It turns out lemmings aren't the only rodents who commit mass suicide. Remember, this could be you in a few years:

"If the nut crop failure is desperation the squirrels attempt to cross busy turnpikes and highways--some make it; the bodies of others litter the roadsides...A squirrel emigration of no mean proportion occurred in Connecticut and New York during the fall of 1933. More than a thousand squirrels were observed swimming the Connecticut River between Hartford and Essex...many of them became exhausted and drowned...There are numerous early accounts of mass excursions of grey squirrels, movements involving tens and even hundreds of thousands. Seton estimates that nearly half a billion squirrels took part in the 1842 emigration that occurred in southeastern Wisconsin."

-Squirrels of North America, by Dorcas MacClinton

Warmest of salutations to the Almighty Church of Euthanasia! Upon placing a shipment of magazines to their new place of rest where I am currently employed, I came across the much needed enlightenment I've been desperately searching for. The word of "Snuff It" has given new direction to my petty existence. I want to help with the advancement of the Church of Euthanasia so others can be blessed with such enlightenment! By using my band "Violent Anal Death" as a vehicle to spread the teachings of the church, I figure by 1996 90% of all New England punks will have offed themselves, thus starting a "hip" trend for the MTV nation of pre-pubescent impressionable youth, and thereby eliminating what will be the future of the upper-middle class of this country! But we must act fast...There are only so many crappy Green Day/Offspring/etc. songs for our young consumers to digest before they move on to their next flavor of the month. We are willing to play any and every benefit for the Church and will spread propaganda for the cause, (i.e. sell stickers, magazines, shirts, etc...) at our shows. In fact if you'd be willing to travel to Providence we could set up a Church of Euthanasia benefit here, and you could speak. Please write back...

-Hugs and mooshy kiss, your devout follower, Tuna G-String Anal Vomit.

Alas, our reply arrived too late; Tuna had already vanished without a trace. If anyone has a clue as to the whereabouts of Violent Anal Death, last seen somewhere near Providence, Rhode Island, please contact us!

You people sound like you will be very healthy and informative for me. Enclosed please find the required sum for a sample issue. Yours sounds like a magazine that truly deserves mass distribution. Why can't people stop creating endless reaper fodder and excrement factories? Those fools on Gilligan's Island didn't know what they had--goddamn paradise. I promise not to spew my genes into any receptive orifices. I pity us all for living in these ever-overpeopled times. We need a fucking sterility bomb for all. Thank you./p>

PS: I work jobs that are the equivalent of an enforced shitting in my pants with people rubbing their excrement in my face. It appears they need this release. Kurt Cobain--role model for us all.

-Joe Robertson, 5211 Eilers Ave, Apt B-4, Austin, TX 78751-2138

Gilligan's Island seems like an odd symbol of pre-industrial Eden, but who knows? Maybe the Unabomber jerks off to it. The FBI should check the TV guide and see if there's a pattern. It beats tracking down elderly Yippies and asking them point-blank if they're the Unabomber (incredible, but true). Anyway, keep aiming for the chin (or whatever it is you've been aiming for), and don't forget to wash your pants.

Quite a long time ago, as I asked you to resend me the e-sermon #1, [and] you asked me to introduce myself...A bit late I do so.

First excuse my poor English, as I am nothing but a French biology student... Studying biology makes me pretty aware of what's at stake if we don't stop our wrong doings now. Therefore your list brought me relief along with satisfaction. I was introduced to the CoE thanks to an English friend who used to roam the net. It was a major discovery.

I do share most of your views. For a long time I've been considering suicide as self expression. Our occidental society is full of contempt for suicide or mercy killing, while they are nothing but the final and absolute gift to earth, carrying a meaning deeper than any painting could ever carry.

The scars on my wrist may seem like a crime
Just wish me better luck Next time.

I attempted suicide at age 14. It was for stupid reasons, the ones teenagers usually have. I took my mother's sleeping pills (I am not a brave). I woke up at the hospital and realized instantly that I was wrong all the way.

And I was! Killing myself for the wrong reasons would have been effective, that's for sure (one down, 5 billions to go) but not so pleasant as finding the real reason why I should suicide. The reason why we shall all suicide. I realized that the human race was so naive that it should be erased from earth during a "population's genetics" class. The fat teacher was absolutely not thinking about something like this because he was more of the neo-capitalist stupid and self-satisfied type. But I was and these ideas stayed in my mind, without any use, for a long time, until I connected to the Church.

The Church not only sets clears some of my ideas, it also offers solutions. And action (everybody masturbates).

-"Ignorance is no excuse" Clauvel

We hope that many more share your "discovery," and we do indeed wish you "better luck next time".

Rev. Korda,

I enjoy reading the sermons on your listserv. However, I must say that I believe you and your church are wasting your time. Humans will never be able to regulate their own population. They have been genetically programmed to breed and carry out the course we are witnessing today. I understand your concerns and fears of this out-of-control species, but I think you underestimate the power of the earth. The earth is a species in and of itself. We are just a part of that whole, so it is hard for us to recognize it as its own entity. Take comfort in the fact that the earth, when necessary, will rid itself of the cancerous human species. Our planet exists in a state of homeostasis. Once we, the humans, offset this homeostasis the earth will reset itself. How?, you might ask. Plagues and famine will probably be its most effective tools of population control.

All I'm saying is don't fret. The planet can take care of itself. It is arrogant to think we can destroy it or help it.

-James Canfield,

It's agreed that the earth has a good chance of winning in the long run, but since we're opposed to unnecessary suffering, even for humans, we reserve the right to fret. Besides, plagues and famines are messy and slow. Why not shut things down nicely while there's still some trees left?

Chris: The Goads have been busy this week entertaining our Thanksgiving guest (Randall Phillip of FUCK), but I wanted to thank you for the copy of SNUFF IT. Very funny and well-written throughout.

If you need/want our 4th issue [of Answer Me!] or the book containing the first three, let me know and I'll schlep them along.

I'm going to go and rub urine into my pores now.

-Jim Goad,

The last time we heard from Randall he was busy abandoning his worthless followers, after the "massive attack on civilization" failed to materialize on September 14, 1994. Thank you, Jim and Debbie, for your extraordinary and inspirational publications. The police are your friends.

Dear Chrissy,

I just finished "Snuff It", Issue #2 and couldn't wait to tell you how much I loved it! The Four Pillars of the Church are my personal mantra from here on. With luck, we can make the world a nice place to visit in 50 years and, perhaps, a nice place to live in 100 or so years.

I notice memberships in the CoE are available by subscribing. Do you have different membership categories? The reason I ask is me and the little woman and our 12 kids usually qualify for a family membership at a reduced rate, so if you offer such discounts please let me know.

In the meantime keep up the good work and keep wearing those hot-looking dresses. If I ever decide to break with my numerous vows to the Catholic Church and take a "walk on the wild side" I want it to be with you, you little euthanising tart.

Save the last dance for me...

-Charleton Heston

We have ways of dealing with naughty dead Catholics. This one needs a lot more flagellation, preferably while tied to a chair. He'll squeal like Mother Theresa, but it's what he secretly wants. Afterwards, he'll get a soothing enema with rosary beads. By the time we're done, he'll be washing down his wafers with pee.

Hey Eunies!

I thought I'd give you a cultish nick-name in case you don't already have one. Is this address still valid? I just found SNUFF IT #2 at Atomic Books in Baltimore after a recommendation by Les U. Knight. He said I should get in touch with you for some reason. He knows I don't fit his mold and vice versa. Check out my zine and you'll see why. I'm another desolation guru and although I don't condemn suicide, I don't recommend it. I suspect that, at least for me, it would be a step backward rather than forward--a step into something rather than out of something. And I prefer to know what I'm getting into. I really don't have any definite beliefs on the afterlife but I suspect there is one. Which is bad news for me; I would rather death be an erasure, not a relocation. All I know about you comes from SNUFF IT #2. My question is: if a bunch of people killed themselves in honor of your philosophies, what should be done with the bodies? Yeah, yeah, I know: eat them. Something tells me that only a few CoE members and a handful of hobbyists might have a slice of dude-ape ala mode...I don't think this meat will become popular. The bodies, then, may become a major environmental problem. Is burning ecologically and economically sound?

I know! Other animals might like it. Dogs will eat anything. Problem: once they get to jonesin' the taste, they will start doing their own killing. We could feed ourselves only to scavenger animals like vultures and catfish. They would even be attracted to bodies that have already started to turn (if ya know what I mean). Composting sounds good; we could be much more literally "pushing up daisies". It would be kind of a cool irony if we used our dead to help pigs and baboons in need of new organs. Problem: modern medicine is already way overblown and needs to be cut back rather than advanced. Well, these are just a few ideas to kick around. We certainly need to desanctify the concept of human remains and get practical instead of pumping preservatives into them and building stone monuments around them.

All the best in your efforts to make this world a better place.

-Ingmar, P.O.Box 1079, Dunkirk, MD 20754

The correct term is Euthanasist, but that's okay: any friend of Les U. Knight is a friend of ours. His inspirational organization (the Voluntary Human Extinction Movement, or VHEMT) is listed in our "contacts" section. We encourage the uninitiated reader to send him a few bucks for the latest issue of These Exit Times. He doesn't recommend suicide either, but there's more than one way to skin a human.

We'll be the first to admit that "dude-ape" isn't as popular as it could be, but the solution is better presentation. If it's ground up and mixed with enough chemicals, folks will line up to eat it. McDonald's is perfectly positioned for a market test; their food could be made out of garbage, and probably is. Until then, composting is fine, but burning is out. See "Ask Chrissy" for more on this important subject.

Dear Chrissy,

I sympathize with your efforts and make no mistake about seriousness of your intentions. I also note you are not dead serious and that makes the thing live. I'll do my best to spread the word. I'll probably also face some problems with airing the CD in full as I simply can't get enough time for my needs. The stickers received high level of attention when displayed to our folks. They are explosive stuff.

If I ever get a job that is paid (I have to make 3 [radio] shows to earn 10 bucks) I promise to join the Church. Presently I am unemployed the fifth month already so I am contributing to your goals by diminished uptake of animal protein and resulting lowering of procreative attempts (or attempts at procreation? Meager anyway).

I must say that we had an officially approved propaganda of cannibalism back in 70s here. Buttons with Lenin's head and legend OGRE were sold in large numbers. Unfortunately I don't have one because they were sold only for short time in a small town Ogre near Riga. The local bosses wanted to take part in Lenin's centenary celebration the best way they could invent. Their English was pidgin.

I wish you success in your noble mission.

-Eddie Lavrinovics, a/k 150 Riga 10, Latvia, LV-1010

Dear Friends,

Since receiving your newsletter, and sharing it with several friends, a couple of things come to mind; how does one become ordained, or a minister in CoE? Should I proselytize on the church's behalf without being a priest or minister? Should the church be seeking to gain more, or fewer members? I would appreciate any thoughts you might have in regard to these inquiries. I agree that the best thing we can do is to get the fuck off the planet, leaving it to those creatures with a hell of a lot more dignity than the human race. Purpose? We are a failed, or desperately flawed experiment, at best; we can be fairly sure god isn't real pleased with the results, in retrospect. We had our chance, and blew it. Next. You must have read the reported findings on the resiliency of the common cockroach. This little critter has been around since the first proteans climbed up out of the primordial ooze, however many millions of years ago, and has changed relatively little in the meantime. He can survive freezing, microwave radiation and has been spotted scurrying around nuclear testing sites, at ground zero, no doubt taking notes. Hail the roach, our worthy successor, showing a hell of a lot more "purpose" than we ever did. All we have to show for our efforts is a pile of garbage for the kingly roach to rule over after we're gone.

In closing, allow me to congratulate you on the fine work you are doing. I am looking forward to hearing from you, and enjoying your products in the near future. If I live that long.

PS Hope you weren't offended by the Goads' stuff. Jim & Deb are really two sweet, sensitive human beings, and would certainly approve of your mission.

-R.E. Bareaux, 108 Herndon Ave, Stanford KY 40484

The key to our success is participation. All members should proselytize on the church's behalf, as often as possible, ordained or not. This goes without saying, and hopefully includes you, dear reader. Since members by definition agree to abstain from breeding, we can't have too many members. Get off your butt and go convert some heathens, please!

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