Church of Euthanasia

The One Commandment:
"Thou shalt not procreate"

The Four Pillars:
suicide · abortion
cannibalism · sodomy

Human Population:

Snuff It #4


Let me start by asking you a question. If you don't know, just guess, how long--months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, seconds--how long do you think it takes for the human population to increase by one million? Net increase.

Okay, I'll give it to you, it's four days. Four days, a quarter million per day, if you do the math, that comes out to 95 million people per year, and just for a reference, 95 million is the population of Mexico, so next time you look at a map of the world, look at Mexico, and imagine the human population increasing by Mexico, every year.

What do we do with all those people? They all need to eat, they all need houses, clothes, TVs, cars, and every other damn thing, who are we to say they shouldn't have them, and what's the result? The global environmental crisis. Massive species extinction. Ecocide. In the United States alone we lose an acre of trees every eight seconds. Worldwide, we're now losing an entire species every 40 minutes, that's up from every sixty minutes in the 1970's, and in the tropical rainforest we're losing a species every fifteen minutes. By some estimates we've already wiped out one third of the species on earth. Those species are gone, they're not coming back, this isn't some cute nature show on television, this is real. In terms of sheer power, this is our great accomplishment: severely damaging the chemical and organic structure of an entire planet, including the oceans and the atmosphere. We've got to do something, very quickly, and the most important thing we can do is reduce our numbers. It's something each one of us can do, it doesn't require special training, and that's why I, myself, and every one of the Church of Euthanasia's members have taken a lifetime vow to not procreate.

Now people say to me, population reduction is one thing, but how can you support suicide and euthanasia, isn't that going too far, and I say this: right now, one third, that's a rough figure, it's probably higher, one third of the people on this earth are going to bed hungry every night. Does this surprise you? Maybe you're lucky: maybe you live in a country that still has some topsoil, or maybe your country steals food from everyone else. Don't get too smug, though, because simple arithmetic says the population will reach 8 billion by 2010. Now that's well within my, and many of your lifetimes, and I'm telling you that if we, as individuals, allow that to happen, we are going to see suffering on a scale we can't even imagine yet, even right here, in the United States, and some of you are going to wish you had killed yourselves, because this planet is going to be a very grim and frightening place. It already is for most people.

So that's why I say "save the planet, kill yourself." Because it really has come to this, and if you've had enough, and you want to get out of the game, and you honestly believe that's the best thing you can do for yourself and for the planet, I, Rev. Chris Korda, am not going to stand in your way. I'll make you a Euthanasian saint. And if no one listens to me, and the population keeps on growing, until there's no trees, and no hope, I'll join you. I think about it every day, and I feel shame. I'm ashamed of the way humans have behaved, especially American humans. When I look at the ugliness Americans have created in just two hundred years, and when I read about the "savages" we've exterminated to make room for our so-called civilization, I feel suicidal rage, and that's okay, because that's what the Church of Euthanasia is all about.

Now suppose, for the sake of argument, we divide people into two groups: those who think there are too many of us, and those who think there aren't enough. If you think there are too many of us, why not take some personal responsibility for it? Maybe we're the church for you. But if you think there's not enough of us, consider your allies. The people who oppose euthanasia, and say it's morally wrong, are very often the same people who oppose abortion; they're the same people who oppose contraception and family planning; they've opposed sex for pleasure for a thousand years, and you know who these people are, they are the Catholic church and the fundamentalist christians. Their religious teachings have been a disaster for the planet, and we cannot allow them to dominate us any longer. They're the real sinners, and they can't help themselves, so we have to help them: we have to lead by example.

How do we lead by example? By practicing sex for pleasure, it's a revolutionary act, remember Joycelyn Elders, she wanted to teach masturbation and look what happened to her... By showing the maximum compassion for all beings, we can start by not eating their flesh, why are we feeding most of our grain to cattle when people are starving... By supporting abortion, we're not pro-choice, we're pro-abortion, why isn't it free, it's every woman's sacred right... By supporting Dr. Jack Kevorkian and the right to die, and above all by choosing to not procreate, until their churches are empty and ours is full, until the population is reduced to a sustainable level, and balance is restored between ourselves and every other species on this beautiful, living planet. Thank you.

Banana Cup Cake

Broken tea cups

-Lori Kramer

I think, Dr. Railly, you've given the alarmists a bad name...surely there's very real and very convincing data that the planet cannot survive the excesses of the human race. Proliferation of atomic devices...uncontrolled breeding habits...pollution of land, sea and air, the rape of the this context isn't it obvious that Chicken Little represents the sane vision, and that homo sapiens' motto--"let's go shopping"--is the cry of the true lunatic?

-Dr. Peters, "12 Monkeys"

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