Snuff It #3
Top Ten Reasons To Vote For Unabomber
Your presidential write-in choice for 1996
by Lydia Eccles
- 1. THE BOYS.
Clinton, Gingrich, Powell, Perot, Forbes, Dole, Gramm, Lugar,
Alexander, Dornan, Keyes, etc.
- 2. HE'S HOT!
His favorability ratings may be low, but his name recognition is
close to 100%. We won't need to hype him--he's already hyped. A
Unabomber write-in campaign can surf the media wave. He's the perfect
imposter to undermine the presidential election process as it unfolds,
and turn the fraudulent election process against itself.
- 3. THE VISION THING.
"The Industrial Revolution and its consequences have been a
disaster for the human race." Regardless of what you think of the
Unabomber and his analysis, the right issues are finally raised. Can
you even conceive of any legitimate candidacy, election, or debate which
will allow the real questions to be put on the table? We need to dish
them out before they cool off...They're giving an election, but we can
crash it and have our own referendum on corpo-technocracy. If the
Unabomber put a hairline crack in the myth of progress, we should apply
a wedge now--the Unabomber's fifteen seconds are just about up. But an
election lasts a year. An anti-technological rallying point only came
into being because of the criminal chase. There's not going to be
- 4. CRASH THE PARTIES.
The election offers a "choice" once all the real decisions
have been made. On top of being an anti-republicrat vote, the Unabomber
campaign is a counterfoil to faux "populist" outsider-insiders
like business magnate Ross Perot and Gulf warrior Colin Powell (a.k.a.
the military-industrial complex.) The third party "alternative"
is designed to safely channel voter alienation into a centrist,
media-sanctioned agenda and immunize the system against real change.
- 5. IF ELECTED HE WILL NOT SERVE.
It's a nobody-for-president vote. He's not running, so this can be a
bottom-up free-for-all campaign. Campaign literature, posters, sound
bytes, platforms, pranks, the rest: have it your way.
- 6. DON'T WASTE YOUR VOTE.
The media's like a psychiatrist--and you can't NOT communicate in an
election. If you boycott the polls, you'll be counted as apathetic,
complacent, or still worse, contented. If you vote for the mainstream
lesser of evils, who don't actually represent your views, you've
affirmed the political system and buried your voice. Either way you've
wasted your vote. To vote for the Unabomber is to vote and boycott at
the same time. If nothing else, it's a vote against the election
charade. It can be only seen as absolute protest, ridicule, or a
"none-of-the-above" spurning of the political menu. You can
cast an anarchistic vote you feel good about, and send the message that
the presidential elections are a fraud. And you can still vote in local
races and referendums where your vote counts for something.
- 7. VOTE AGAINST THE PROPAGANDA MACHINE.
The Unabomber did an end run around the media monopoly, and published
without editorial clearance. The Unabomber has, by the magnitude of
his plan, exposed the media as a closed communications system, making
it very clear--in case anyone hadn't noticed--that it's a communications
war. Mass media are launched from a heavily-secured fortress. Other
terrorists seek publicity as a means to other ends. The Unabomber used
terrorism to gain publicity as an end in itself.
Notice how the press seeks to channel interpretation of the Unabomber
story, covering it as a serial-killer story of crime and insanity, while
excluding consideration of the ideas themselves. They would have us
believe that it would be disastrous if media weren't controlled from the
top. Op-ed pages resounded with journalists lamenting, "Why didn't
he have to get editorial approval? What if copy cats are aroused,
crazies who actually want access to the media, rather than simply being
passive target markets for political and commercial propaganda?"
Imagine mass communications not subject to corporate control. People
might say anything...even things not "fit to print". Exactly.
When ABC Nightly News gets renamed Disney World, you'll cherish the
memory of your Unabomber vote.
- 8. HE'S GOT THE CREDENTIALS.
The Unabomber's use of violence should not disqualify him from
consideration. His willingness and ability to effectively use violence
to achieve strategic political goals merely demonstrate the essential
qualifications to be president. After all, Colin Powell's ONLY
qualification is his performance as an effective killer. No one's
called him a serial killer, or said he craved attention. No running
candidate has condemned the Gulf War genocide. This is a country that
played war like a video game in a high-tech funhouse. We aren't even
allowed information as to how many Iraqis, civilian or military, our
tax dollars blew away.
That Bill Clinton avoided the draft and hadn't killed was considered
a lack of qualifications. Luckily he picked up points for presiding
over numerous executions in his home state of Arkansas. Occupational
deaths and diseases...Violence? Cancer deaths caused by toxins in the
air, in food, and workplaces...Violence? A minimum wage that is half
the poverty level, with the hunger, stress, disease and early death that
ensue...Violence? The media just finished re-elaborating the rationale
for bombing Hiroshima and Nagasaki...Violence? Terror?
Anyone bringing up violence should put it all on the table, not just
select attacks on the power structure. Anyone who can truly take a
stand against violence in any form--and that would include the American
Revolution--can say the Unabomber shouldn't be president on that basis.
But he's not running anyway, and even a landslide wouldn't actually put
him in office. That's the beauty of voting for a fugitive from the law.
- 9. ENTERTAINMENT VALUE.
Watch your favorite TV pundits try to swallow, digest and regurgitate
a Unabomber constituency. It's a message that can't be neutralized or
explained away. The most minimal Unabomber returns would disrupt the
usual discussion of false problems and false solutions (usually known
- 10. DON'T BLAME ME--I VOTED FOR THE UNABOMBER.
You can sport your bumper sticker after the election...but not on a
The player who trespasses against the rules or ignores them is a
"spoil sport". The spoil sport shatters the play-world itself. By
withdrawing from the game, he reveals the relativity and fragility of the
play world. He robs play of its illusions.
TO THE SPOILER BELONGS THE VICTORY!
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